I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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