Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
