I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
