he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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