hell yes lets make some ravioli
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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