i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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