do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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