Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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