i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
