i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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