threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
