when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
