i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
