We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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