walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
