he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
