a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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