If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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