It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
