you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Come share oat with me in your robe
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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