Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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