We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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