how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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