Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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