I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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