Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
