Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
