She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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