i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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