We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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