if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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