I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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