im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
