3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
