I showed him my bush... on skype.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
