she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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