if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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