I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize