Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
