Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize