He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
