I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
