just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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