Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
