I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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