So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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