Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
