we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
