Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
