You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I need moral support for this bender
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
