Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize