shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
