You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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