yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
