I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
