At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
