You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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