What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize