I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
