I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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