take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
