Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
