I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize