last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
