Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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