Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
