He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
