Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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