her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
