Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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