I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
